Grandpa
Dear Child,
I am writing this letter to introduce you to your Grandpa, who died a few weeks before you entered the world. Honestly, though, it's also a way for me to write down all the memories I fear I will eventually forget.
When you see me for the first time, you will look at a version of your Grandpa. Almost everyone says I look like his replica. He was short, heavy in the mid-abdomen region and had thin legs. His weak legs were a detriment to his life.
He grew up in his village Kodambal. You will often see this place in the early part of your life. I hope you like it. It's different from all the places. Time slows down here. You are not cramped for space. The house itself is not strong as it's old, but there's enough space for your large family to gather for events.
After spending a few years in the local village school, he was sent to a city (Gulbarga) for better prospects through education. He lived in his uncle's place through his school and college days. He was grateful to his uncle and aunt for letting him stay with them but also felt he was given unfair treatment compared to their children. It hurt him because his father (my Grandpa) used to send rations and money to Uncle as a gesture for letting his kids stay there.
He was famous in college. He was fondly called Kaka by his friends. He was part of student organisations such as ABVP, and he has a photo with Atal Bihari Vajpayee that he used to show everyone who would be willing to see. He used to play Basketball. He was always on the move, and it would be tough for him to stay in one place. You could say he was restless, and he would agree.
He moved to Hyderabad after his graduation. He did BSc and then MSc in Mathematics. He was hired as a part-time teacher at Nrupatunga Junior College in the mid-80s. He was made permanent after 11 years of working as a part-time teacher and later became the principal at the end of his tenure. More on this later.
In the day and even now, arranged marriage is a way through which a boy meets a girl, and if families agree, they marry. The odds of an arranged marriage working are extremely low, but sometimes it just works. In 1986 through a family friend, Grandpa's family got introduced to Grandma's family. Grandma's family was not too keen on the marriage proposal from Grandpa. But Grandpa was not someone who would take no for an answer. He was persistent all his life. He wrote a letter and sent it to Grandma, trying to win her over. The letter worked, and Grandma agreed. They got married in 1986 on April 30. In less than two years, I was born.
Grandpa was a hardworking teacher. In addition to teaching at the college, he would also take mathematics tuition for all 11th and 12th students. At his peak, there would be 100s of students sitting in a small room gasping at every formula he would teach. Our houses were tiny, but there was always room for conducting a tuition class. He was famous in the education circles back in the day, and new students would turn up through word-of-mouth recommendations.
He tried to scale the tuition as a business, but that did not last long. Although he was an expert in numbers, he was not great at handling money. He took on more responsibilities than he could handle and took on large debts to help his family and friends. He would not share all this info with Grandma, much to her displeasure. He was the eldest son and took on himself to help his two sisters and brothers. One of his brothers (Ramesh) died when he was only 22.
I forgot to tell you Grandpa's name! It's Suresh Patil. He was born in 1958.
While he was busy, your Grandpa was in his element. He would work for 12+ hours every day and had very little time for his family. He was adamant about me getting the best education I could get. He would put his foot down and let me go to a different city for education. I remember when he had come to Cochin to drop me off for my MBA school. It was the first time I was staying this far from my family. I still remember the sight of your Grandpa walking up the stairs to his room in the hotel after saying goodbye to me. He asked me to study well.
Your Grandpa did not communicate his love very well. He would let his indirect actions speak for themselves. It would hurt me not to hear "I love you" from him directly, but then I learnt to live with it and find meaning behind his many expressions. He loved joking around and making others laugh. He was unapologetic in his mannerisms and would bluntly say things that many of us would refrain from sharing. No one took his statements to heart because everyone knew he had the best intentions but was slippery with his words. He quickly apologised if he felt he had hurt others' sentiments. He wasn't scared of the consequences.
Grandpa also had his ways of having meaningful conversations. He would try to make it a big deal of it. When you grow up, remind me to share the story of how he had the "sex talk" with me on a deserted platform of a bus stand. It's funny and memorable.
He took on the role of a Principal at the age of 53. He loved the responsibility and pride that came with the position. He always introduced himself as a Principal even after he was retired. He was a natural leader but not so good with administration work. He knew people who could help him and leveraged their services.
Your Grandpa was proud of my English speaking ability. On the day of his retirement, we threw a small party in his college, and I also made a speech. It was unprepared but received well by Grandpa's peers.
He did not transition well into retirement. He liked being busy. He tried a few teaching assignments, but nothing lasted. And then Grandma was transferred to a small village called Narayankhed for three years. And it went all downhill from there. He got his legs hurt, and due to his diabetes, it only became worse. We went to the hospital seven times for different reasons, and your Grandpa did not come back the seventh time.
One of his friends, who saw Grandpa for the last time on September 14, 2022, told me, "Your Dad enjoyed life". He knew and had seen him for the better part of his active life. I would like to believe he lived well. He also had some not-so-good things about him, like all of us, but we do not need to dwell on those. He gave us enough memories to live by. I would have loved Grandpa to see you and hold you in his hands as he envisioned. I would have loved to see him become active and enjoy a post-retirement life in Gulbarga. However, life had different plans.
I would like to believe he will be around to give us his blessings. He asked his mother not to cry when he died. He had envisioned his death. The best we can do is not cry and remember him in his best days. Please remind me to tell you all the stories so that he lives on in our memories.